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Sunday, May 3, 2015

This is Also Why I Don't Have Kids

I was at Lagoona Beach at Lagoon with my friend (later my wife) and her 4 kids. The kids wanted me to go on the slide that's pretty much vertical; you go straight down. Not wanting to be a party pooper, I obliged. My friend said she was going to watch. After watching a few grown men do it before me and come out fine, I figured I could do it. Well, no one told me you had to cross your legs, or else. So I go down the basically vertical slide spread eagle (my legs wide open). When I hit the base of the slide, instead of gliding across the pool like the other men had, my crotch hit solid water and I sank. It was so painful, I could hardly walk out of the pool. The girl lifeguard hurried over to me and asked if I was okay. I brushed her off, pretending like it was nothing, while on the inside I was dying.
My friend just laughed as she watched the whole thing.

-E.E.

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