What Happens in Tel Aviv, Stays in Tel Aviv..

I attended a Semester abroad in Jerusalem, Israel in the Fall of 1993.  Upon leaving, I knew very few of the students that were traveling with me. However, by the time we left to come back home, many of them knew me better than I would ever want them to.  My nickname became Princess Di, and this is how I earned the name.

 

After being in Jerusalem for about 2-3 weeks we all heard that Michael Jackson would be performing a concert in Tel Aviv the very next weekend.  There were about 10 of us who really wanted to go and paid the price for a ticket and our transportation to get to Tel Aviv.  We all shared a taxi, called a Sharut in Israel. 

 

We arrived in plenty of time to get dinner before the concert. One of the most popular places was the American restaurant, Hard Rock Café.  Most of my group voted on that and were excited for some American cuisine after 3 weeks of Israeli food.  I don’tremember what I ordered I only remember how my food made me feel later! 

 

After eating we went to the outdoor arena where the concert was to be held.  We arrived before the gates opened.  We were among the very first to run through the gates to the front row of the general admission area.  (Among the first of several thousand Israeli’s behind us.)  Once into this special area, they roped it off and if you were to leave this area you would not be admitted back. 

 

We were “roped in” 3 hours before the concert even began.  We were so packed in we could hardly move.  There was so much pushing and shoving and even people who were passing out because of the heat and dehydration.  After about an hour of waiting, I began to feel a little sick to my stomach.  I began to panick just a little and look around for a bathroom.  The only bathroom available was beyond the roped off area and about 100 yards away.  I knew if I left to use the bathroom, I would not find my group of friends (that I had just met 3 weeks earlier) again. I decided that if I was distracted enough I would forget about the sick stomach and the need to go to the bathroom would go away.  

 

Not the case! After about another hour, my slightly sick stomach was now twisting and churning.  I really was panicked now.  The concert was still an hour away from beginning and at least 2 hours of the show.  I knew that I would not be able to wait. After a few tears started streaming down my face, I decided to tell my friends my dilemma.  It was a group of 8 guys and 1 girl and they had a plan.  It was definitely a “boy scout” type of plan and I was not happy about it.  

 

They all formed a circle around me the best they could pushing the local people back a bit to try and give me room.  They handed me a CLEAR plastic bag and said “squat!”  What?  They couldn’t be serious. They were! At this point I had no choice! It was in the bag or in my pants.  With tears in my eyes I decided in the bag was a better choice.  All this for Michael Jackson? Totally!

 

When I finished, I was not sure what to do with the bag. My friend told me to hand it to her and she would dispose of it.  Not knowing what she would do, she took the bag and threw it as far as she could!  To this day, I am wondering who the person is that is telling the story of the time they got hit with a bag of pooh at the Michael Jackson concert in Tel Aviv, Israel!

 

-Anon

Embarrassing or Horrible Date/ First Kiss?

Think you can top A.P.'s terrible date story? Let's see! If you got one, send it to me at crapwillhappen@gmail.com and we'll post it!

-Anna

57 Strikes, You're Out

Alright... it's a long one. But don't ditch it yet! This horrible date/ first kiss story will leave you looking at your Friday nights with a new perspective. Trust me, this one's hard to beat. And I can confirm that it's all true, for one those "four giggly girls" that night.... was me.

One time I was randomly texted by a kid that used to be in my freshman English class. He moved out of the country and was coming back to visit for a few weeks. We were never really friends he just had a weird infatuation with me. He wanted to meet up and do something fun. Me hoping time had done wonders on his adolescent features, agreed to hanging out with him on a Saturday evening. A few days later my group of friends decided to have a girls night that same evening I made plans with this kid. We were going to meet up and get dinner at a sushi bar close by. So I agreed to attend both things. I was going to hang out with this kid at the arcade from 6-8 and then meet up with my friends from 8 until we were done. This plan was going to work perfectly given the fact that the places I was going to go were walking distances away from each other. As that Saturday rolled a round I realized I had to be the one to drive, and of course the only person who was going to let me use there car was my mother. As I rolled up to the arcade in my mothers mini van I texted him asking him where he was. He told me he was on his way and would be there shortly. I waited in the car for about 15 minutes until he finally texted me telling me he was waiting just inside the doors. I made my way to the entrance and started looking around. I expected to see someone similar but completely different from the kid I knew from English class. I looked around for awhile and didn't see him. So naturally I went straight to the bathroom to not make my myself look dumb searching for someone who wasn't there. I went back out and told myself I was going to look just once more and if I didn't find him I would leave and go home. As I made my way toward the exit again I saw a familiar face. One that hadn't changed for the better, the only thing missing was the train tracks in his mouth. We went up to each other and gave each other a hug. Everything from then I feel went down hill. He didn't know what to do at the arcade so I had to make all the decisions. He was a complete mess. We exchanged our tickets for prizes and decided to get some ice cream. We waited for a really long while and finally made it to the register to pay. The cashier told us the total and I waited for him to take out his wallet. He looked up at me expecting me to pull out my money, he tried to make me pay but I gave him a look that meant "what the heck are you doing be a gentleman and pay the lady" he reluctantly pulled out his wallet and handed the cashier a crumpled 20 dollar bill. We eat our ice cream surrounded by awkward conversation. I told him I had to leave soon so he called his siblings to come get him. They told him they would be there in about half an hour. I dreaded the fact they couldn't be there sooner but I kept a positive perspective and told myself what's half an hour. We finished and decided to make our way up to the second floor of the arcade to watch the people down below board on the flow rider. We sat by the big windows over looking the flowing water and talked about music. As we talked we realized that we liked completely different types of music and the conversation started to run dry. To distract myself I looked out the glass at the two young girls who you could tell had never experienced the flow rider before. Fall after fall and I couldn't handle it anymore, I had to share it with people. So I took out my phone and recorded it on my snapchat and posted it on my story. I got many snap chats back telling me my story was hilarious and I thought nothing of all the people watching them. Out of nowhere one of my friends from school and soccer came around the corner with her friend and we saw each other. We hugged and talked for a brief moment then she went about her day. I returned to the awful conversation with this boy and tried to revive it with questions. To all of them he was able to answer in either a few words or sentences. It was time for us to say our goodbyes and For me to make my way to the sushi place as I was running late. He called his siblings to see if they were there yet, but of course with my luck they hadn't even left yet. As he gets off the phone I could hear giggling from around the corner. I looked over and didn't see anything but a bobbing bun hiding behind wall. I walked over there knowing exactly who it was. Four giggling teenage girls who I was supposed to be meeting for sushi in a few minutes. They asked me what I was doing and I asked them how they found me. One of them reviled they saw my snap chat story and put the pieces together. Crap. So I brought them over to this kid and introduced them to him. I told him we had reservations and so I had to leave. We all went down stairs together to exit the building and I thought we were going to part ways. But no he followed us all around the walking area of the complex. I asked him if his ride was here and he said no. So we continued walking, when one of my friends mentioned that Victoria secret had their famous angel wings on one of their mannequin displays. They then dared someone to go in there and ask of they were for sale. Of course being the only boy and wanting to impress everyone the kid said he would go in, but only if I went in with him. Me being down for stupid things most of the time agreed and went in. Four of us went in while two stayed outside. We walked around for a bit till he maned up enough to ask the lady. We got to the front of the store. And he dragged me up there and began asking the poor girl if they had any of those wings for sale for his girlfriend as he motioned towards me. I was in complete shock as I didn't know this kid from Adam but I tried to keep a straight face to keep the joke believable. She nicely told us that sometimes they put them up for sale online and we could check there. We thanked her and walked out of there as my friends tried to keep from bursting out in laughter prematurely. That moment I told myself I was never going to be able to set foot in that Victoria secret again. We wondered our way over to the sushi place and I told him goodbye expecting him not to continue following us. But he did. He walked in the restaurant with us. I could not get rid of him. We were showed to our table and he of course sat himself down with us. I felt so bad. This was supposed to be a dinner for just us girls. Not just us girls and the strange kid who wouldn't stop following us. We all came to the realization that he wasn't going to leave before we ordered so we went ahead and told the waitress our orders. We got our food and of course you know that every plate of sushi comes with it's own heaps of ginger and wasabi. We dared each other to put as much wasabi as we could in our mouths and keep it down. We each took small portions and kept them down. But then this kid wanted to top it all. He shoved the whole chunk of wasabi into his mouth and struggled to keep it in there. He couldn't handle it anymore so he made quick dash for the door. He was gone for quite awhile and us girls talked about things we would normally talk about while not in the presence of a boy. He made his way back with his eyes watering trying to keep it together. I was then dared to consume a huge portion as well. I did all I could to keep it down but I needed to leave. I made my way to the door and emptied the contents of my mouth on the sidewalk. As I lifted my head up I realized the kid had followed me out. Before I could stand up all the way and wipe my mouth he gave me the weirdest hug anyone could ever give or receive. We made our way back awkwardly and sat back down. We rapped up our dinner and made our way out. As we passed a big snow heap he pointed out the exact spot where he threw up his wasabi. Awesome right? Us girls made the agreement to meet up at one of our houses to eat cookies and talk for a minute, so we made our way towards our cars. I asked him if his siblings were ever going to come get him and he said no. So he followed me to my car so I could take him home. We made the silent journey to his house and parked right in front. He told me he had a good time and I agreed to be polite. We then went in for a hug but it didn't go the way it should have. I positioned my head to the side of his like you normally would for a hug but he didn't do the same. Instead he wrapped his face around and tried to kiss me. He completely missed. The whole situation got super super awkward. He left the car and went into his house. I made my way as fast as I could to meet my friends and tell them the events of the night.

-A.P.

Presentations

When I was in 7th grade and everyone in history class had to make a presentation about a president of United States. We had to do it for 5 minutes. I was very very nervous. When I was presenting I was shaking a little, I couldn't talk well and I was sweating. Wow that was a bad feeling.

-T.S.

Woowhoo, Anybody There?

Something embarrassing happen like 5 months ago. I was inside a Chase bank then I look outside and there was a nice Camaro. I was staring it for like 3 seconds then I notice a girl was struggling to open the door because she had 3 coffee cups. I was going to help her but it was too late.

-T.S.

The Answer's Not Always Yes...

Or once I had a long distance call with my cousin and could barely hear what she was saying, so I just said "Good" and "I agree" a lot despite not understanding a word of what she said. She didn't quite like that I replied "Good" after she told me that she broke her foot. Or that I replied "I agree" when she said that her boyfriend called her a b**** and a slut.

F.B.

Squirrels Go Nuts

This happened when I was a kid.
I was walking home from school with my two bros and a baby squirrel wandered off a tree towards us.
So my oldest bro noticed and points it out.

"Look, a baby squirrel!" he yells.

And before we can turn around, the squirrel jumped to my big bro's leg and started climbing on him.
He started screaming helplessly wagging his pudgy leg around while my other bro and I just laughed at him. The baby squirrel headed for his crotch and then he grabbed it and threw it in the air.

REALLY high in the air.

The baby squirrel landed on its back and died. And we sorta left the body on the sidewalk...

Pretty ironic though, in a sick funny way.
The squirrel was after my brother's nuts! Lol


-J

Pardon My French

I was trying to show off my French to my French neighbor when I asked to borrow his mattress: "Je voudrais emprunter votre maîtresse." As it turns out, the word "maîtresse" means "mistress". When he asked me why I wanted to borrow his "maîtresse", I answered, "to sleep with"!  

-F.B.

A Nighmare in Hale

One night, my grandma invited me to a play at the Hale Center Theater in Orem. For those that haven't been there, the stage is basically ten by ten feet and the chairs circle around it. So it's a pretty cozy, intimate place. Anywho, we start the night off going to a nice dinner and frozen yogurt, and I'm feeling fine. Right before the play starts, I start to feel sick to my stomach, but I brush it off. We take our seats, which are right smack dab in the middle row in the middle seat, and the play starts. I'm doing okay, but my stomach really isn't feeling all that hot. Then about 15 minutes into the play, I feel like I'm about to die. But I don't feel like I'm going to throw up and I don't feel like I'm going to.. you know, have it come out the other end, so I just wait it out hoping the feeling passes, because it's pretty rude to get up in the middle of a play (especially in a place that small). However, there comes a point when I just CAN NOT sit there any longer. So, I hop up, stumble over everybody, get to the isle way-- and all heck breaks lose. All of the sudden, I'm barfing EVERYWHERE and can't stop. Some stage manager hands me a trash can, and I continue to throw up into that. And I'm barfing so hard... it comes out the other end as well. So here I am, barfing and crapping my pants all at the same time. I'm humiliated and I smell awful. However, I have to walk BACK into the theater and ask my grandma for her phone to call my dad. After convincing grandma that, yes, I did need to leave and could not stay for the rest of the play, she relents and hands over her phone. So I call my dad, he says he's on his way, and I go sit on the bench outside the building. But it doesn't end there. Suddenly, I look up and see a stag door opening and four figures walking out-- they're the actors from the play and they decide to come talk to me. They ask if I was the girl who threw up everywhere (and ruined the play, hint hint), then tell me their stories of barfing in grade school. And all the while I'm just thinking, "I smell like throw up and poo, don't you have a play to get to??"

-Anna

Bloody Fingers

A few months ago, I had a really important piano recital. I felt really confident and prepared. My song was challenging, but I was sure I could play it perfectly. I was listed second to last on the program, and as it got closer and closer to my turn, I started to feel nervous. When it was finally my turn, I sat down to play, and I started, but the notes WOULD NOT COME. so I started again, and still, couldn't do it. So, I just sat down and let the last girl go. I tried to calm down and reassure myself that I would be ok. after she finished, I went back up to actually play my song. I started with no problems, but I noticed that there was something like blood on the keys. I looked down at my hands and my right hand had a bloody hangnail, and I was bleeding all over the piano. and by then, I had already started over so many times, I just kept on going. but I felt SO BAD, and I made my teacher disinfect the keys after I was done! My finger looked pretty nasty by the time I finished!

-M.C.

Red Dress

We love our friends in Germany!

Back when I was 6... I went to a wedding with my mom, my dad and my brother. We were all dressed up and my mom's dress was red. After the church, we kids were allowed to play, so we were all playing. I came back to ask my mom something and was looking for her. One woman in a red dress was bending over and I thought it was my mom. So, I ran to her and hit her butt with my hand. Then the woman turned  around. I was so scared when I realized that it wasn't my mom, that I just ran away...

 -Laura

While I Was Sleeping...

One time I, when I was in grade school, I fell asleep during class and tooted. After, I made a huge deal about it, trying to convince people it wasn't me, which only made them think it was me even more.

-B.P.

Leave A Comment!

Can you sympathize with any of these stories? Leave a comment! Let that person know they're not alone.
Is there one story cracking you up? Leave a comment! It feels good to gets some feedback!
Don't be afraid to comment!

-Anna

My Ross Geller Moment

Once upon a time, there was a pretty cute boy in my math class. He as also in my English class, and I thought I saw him staring at me during English quite often... One day, during math, there was one minute left and I was trying to get as much of my problems done as I could before the bell rang. Out of the blue, cute boy says, "How many problems can you do in one minute? Ready, go!" Later, my friends tried to convince me that this was his way of flirting... but I didn't see it that way. Especially at the time. So I just looked at him and stared. I racked my brain of SOMETHING to say... but my mind was blank. How the crap was I supposed to respond to that without sounding like an idiot, "Um.. ten." ??  After 15 seconds of awkward eye contact, he says, "So.... none?" "Yep." I finally replied. And he walked away probably thinking I was the biggest idiot he's ever talked to. He hasn't looked at me or said a word to me since...
Wait for it.
Later, I was facebook stalking him (come on, we ALL do this). And you know how it is; after so long, you get pretty deep into photos, some of which are years old. While in these years-old photos, I tried to tap next, but accidently tapped over his face. Somehow, some freakin how, I managed to tag myself as him in the photo. So now I was tagged as him and he was going to get a notification about it and he would know that I was totally FB stalking him. I dreaded the next day at school.
The more I think about it... "Um...ten." probably would have been less stupid sounding than acting like a complete mute.

-Anna

Grape Hazards

And another one from our friends in Germany!

I work in a supermarket. One day, I was walking through it to give a message to one of my colleagues. I was going pretty fast and was carrying the office phone in my back pocket. I didn't see a grape on the floor and I sliped and fall in middle of the fruit section. Everybody was starring at me and, in that moment, I realized that I crushed the office phone in my back pocket (because I am not the skinniest person).

 -Natascha

Crashes and Crushes

Oh Germany...

 Me and my friend, Dominique, went on a bike ride because we wanted to pick up our pictures from a photoshoot we had taken a week before. We picked the pictures up after biking for 30 minutes. On our way back we got ice cream. Back on our bikes, we were in a really good mood and were making jokes and weren't paying attentiom to the street. Then we crashed into each other. Not that this was allready embarrassing; we've been riding bikes since we are 3 and never really crashed. But, while we were picking up our stuff, my crush passed us. He laughed at us. In that moment, I wished I wasn't there.

 -Laura

The Opera Singer

#WhenSeeminglyGoodIdeasBackfire  

Was walking through the parking lot with a friend and starting singing the Titanic love song "my heart will go on" and was singing really loud and obnoxious and got to the part in the song that has a big long note and I was singing it as loud and off tune as I could, while hitting my chest like Celine Dion does. Didn't notice my friend had gone and hid behind a car while a group of other people were coming my way. So the people totally stared at me thinking I was alone singing as if I was in the opera, all by myself. They just looked at me like I was crazy and I smiled thinking my friend would be laughing behind me, when I turned around and she wasn't there I was super embarrassed.

-C.M.

Got a Story?

Seriously, if you have a story, send it to me!!! That would be so awesome! Don't worry about being embarrassed (ha...ha), I'll keep it anonymous if that's what you're most comfortable with.
If you got one you're willing to share, please send it to crapwillhappen@gmail.com and I'll post it on the blog!

-Anna

If It Can Happen, It Will

… And another from our German friend.

In Germany you have to do a presentation every year and it is worth a lot of points. I prepared a lot and, as always,  was really into the topic. I was really confident about my presentation. My classmates always love my presentations because they’re funny, but you still learn a lot. I go up front, set everything up and start my presentation.

It was awesome, people were laughing when I made a joke and my teacher seemed to like it.

Then it happened. In Germany we still have chalkboards and, in the classrooms we were in, the legs of it were really weird and stood out. I totally tripped over it. It was so embarrassing. Everybody was laughing at me.

-Dominique

Will I Ever Learn?

Hey guys, back again with another one.

So I'm at the movie theater and my movie just ended. Like always, my family makes a pit stop at the bathroom on the way out. So I go too. Naturally, I set toilet paper down (duh) to cover the seat and do my business. It all goes well, I finish, wash my hands, etc., etc., yeah yeah. Then we leave. That night, my little brother was in a play at my elementary school. I think I'm like the big cheese or something because I'm a sixth grader now (lets remember this story takes place a good 5-6 years ago) and I BASICALLY rule that school. So I go, and I'm too-cool-for-school so I stand all cool-like against the wall. I talk to some people I know, walk around a bit (cause, obviously, I'm too cool for just standing), talk to some more people. The night's going great. When it comes time to leave, we walk back to our car and while I'm walking, my cousin says, "Oh, nice, Anna!" and pulls a 3 foot long piece of toilet paper out of my pants.
I didn't feel so cool then.
In fact, I was mortified. I never wanted to step foot in that school, or see any of those people, ever again.

Oh yeah... reminds me of a time I was at a soccer game of mine. I use aporta poty then walk across the field in front of EVERYONE. Yes, once again, I had toilet paper hanging out of my pants.

Wait... I was at dinner one night at a nice restaurant with my whole family. Once again, I use the restroom and sit back down in my seat. After dinner is over, I get a Snap Chat of... me. It's the back of my pants, and there's toilet paper hanging from it.

Will I ever learn?
No... No, never.

-Anna Warner (me)

The Skort

Can't choose between a skirt or shorts? Simple-- go skort. But in this case, maybe she should have gone shorts... 

So in 3rd grade one day I had to go to the bathroom. And that day I was wearing a purple skort. When I was done, I accidentally tucked the back of my skort into the shorts that were connected to it. And when I got back to class no one told me for forever, till towards the end of the day some boy told me my skort was tucked into my skirt and I was so embarrassed

 

-E.N

 

Test Nerves

My most embarrassing moment would be when I was taking my final tests in 2nd grade and I barfed all over my test.

-Anonymous 

Goin' Fishin'

Toilets...Why must everything end up there?

During middle school I was in a musical which required a few costume changes. We would all pile into the few stalls to change privately. One time while changing out of my regular school clothes and into my costume I spilled all the contents of my pockets onto the floor.  I had brought change for the vending machine because the show was going to run long. As I gathered up all my belongings I noticed I was missing a golden dollar that I had packed special. I looked around and checked everywhere I could think. As I stood up from checking the floor something shiny caught my eye from inside the toilet bowl. I was in so much shock that I exclaimed. My friend in the next stall over asked me what was wrong and we exited our stalls at the same. I pointed at the toilet bowl with a disgusted look on my face. As my friend chuckled at my pain I realized my fate. If i didn't want to starve I was going to have to reach in there and get my money out. I asked my friend to turn on the hot water in the closest sink and I prepared myself physically and mentally. I pulled up my sleeves and pried open the stall door. I took a deep breath and went in. I reached in there with one hand and held back my slipping sleeve with the other. I fished out the coin and made my way to the sink as fast as I could. I dropped it in the hot flowing water and stuck my hand and arm in it as well. All the while my friend was laughing her head off. After a bit I started to clam down and opened my wincing eyes. There just a few sinks down was the mother and smaller sister of one of the popular cast members. My friend tried to hold back her laughter and my face turned the color of a tomato. As they finally made their way out my friend lost control of her laughter and my head hung in embarrassment.

- A.P.

Nose Complications

LBH, we've all had snot issues. And if you haven't yet, you will. Just wait. 

Basically,
Once upon a time there was a 12 year old girl who was getting set apart for a calling in her church. It was allergy season and as the blessing was occurring, her nose began to run quite heavily. Not wanting to disrupt the meeting, she let the nose run. Once the blessing was finished, she realized a 6 inch string of booger was hanging out of her nose. Before anyone noticed, she grabbed it, and hid it in her hand. This would've worked well had the men blessing her not gone for handshakes following the blessing. It was a terrifying experience.

-B.R.

Christmas Market

Crap doesn't just happen in America folks.

I was trying to sell my self-made necklaces at a Christmas market in Germany, but I was really frustrated because it wasn't selling. After I had been there for 8 hours, I was done. It was 7pm and my parents decided that we should just go because it wouldn't make sense to stay for 2 more hours until the market closed.

We talked to the manager of the Christmas market and she was fine with it, we just had to be quite. When we were all packed up, we began to exit the building. I grabbed the last box full off stuff and it was really heavy. My family was nearly out of the building, so I was trying to hurry and go fast down the stairs. But because the box I had in my hand was really big, I couldn't see the stairs. So I fell all the way, and because I was so surprised that I was falling, I screamed and everything fell out of the box.

So we weren't really quiet in the end, and everybody saw me falling down the stairs. I was really embarrassed. 

-Dominique

The High Pitched Squeal

The apple doesn't fall to far from the tree.... here's a story from dad himself.

When I was in high school, I say in the front of the room in my geometry class and a cute girl I liked at right behind me. One day while everyone was taking a test and the room was  completely silent, I could feel a toot coming on and I couldn't suppress it any more. I figured that if I could sit just right and spread my butt cheeks apart a little that I might be able to ease out a little gas silently. But to my great embarrassment, it squeaked out loudly like a high pitched squeal which was amplified by my chair. I could hear chuckles, and so I clunked my head down on the desk in total shame!
No one said anything until a few days later when at an assembly, one of my friends said "Hey Warner! I heard ya let a raunchy one in geometry class!" I asked him who told him, and he referred to the girl who was sitting behind me. /:  I never wanted to go to that class and when I finally did, the girl had decided to sit somewhere else!

- Dad